I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
