You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
