trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
