in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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