All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
