bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
