fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
