Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
