I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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