Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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