Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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