sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
from now on my penis is your penis
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
