Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
