you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
