Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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