When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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