Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?