I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.