Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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