You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
