i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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