would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
