I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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