Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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