i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
