just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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