I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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