hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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