3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
