Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
