So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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