I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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