party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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