just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
