How'd it feel making her break her religion?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
