Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
