he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He did a backflip because drugs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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