it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
