man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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