Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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