i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love you. Go after that dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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