Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
