You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
