I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
