i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
