i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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