Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
