Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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