so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
