He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
