Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
