Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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