She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
