Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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