why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize